How do you break the chains of perfection imprisonment?

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PURE, delightful, randomness…I sat in front of the television to eat my breakfast and happened on An Apology to Elephants – a documentary on National Geographic.

The film is an unabashed polemic, calling for improved treatment of elephants in zoos and an end to the use of the animals as entertainment, which the film contends must invariably involve abuse. I didn’t see it from the beginning, but I was drawn in somewhere around the “third half”!

This is what I witnessed:

• Elephants swaying in enclosures that were big, but not big enough for these animals that clearly wanted to be free. They moved agitated from one foot to the next with a nervousness that was palpable

• An old clip of a famous elephant being electrocuted by Edison

• Elephants with foot diseases – because conditions were unsanitary

• Chained and roped elephants being brought to submission so that they could be “trained” to perform

• Baby elephants being briskly removed from mothers to start the training process early.

Feld Entertainment, the parent company of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, said the film misrepresented its practices, but I couldn’t help but relate back to how we keep ourselves imprisoned, and how our own best practices for ourselves keep us in a place of always striving – never arriving. I cried that morning – yes for the elephants – but then I realised that I too was an “elephant” along with many others I know except that we are both trainer and animal – SAD!

We force ourselves to operate in well-defined, tight familiar surroundings – not giving ourselves any freedom to express or create. And we wonder why we are irritable all the time, have headaches and are constantly standing in a pool of dissatisfaction. No wonder we’re getting “foot disease.”

Bull hooks are often driven in to the tender areas of an elephant’s body to make it cooperate. Electric shock, whips, baseball bats and pipes are also among the methods used to force the animals to cooperate in training.

Extreme – sure – but what do we do? We are our worst cheer leaders. We never do anything right. We never acknowledge if we actually make progress because it’s not good enough. We brush off compliments and praise from our peers. We claim that we don’t NEED praise we just need to get to the next rung, in the same enclosure, going nowhere really. Tragic that we would imprison ourselves in the name of doing better.

Just as there’s hope for the elephants with folks like Lily Tomlin, educating and encouraging zoos to better care for these animals there is hope for us too. But like the elephants we have been chained in this place for so long that even when set free, or given an opportunity at freedom we can’t move.

We need to retrain ourselves to move a little bit every day. No big massive moves. No thinking too big because that will overwhelm us and freeze our steps.

Maya Angelou tells us that life is an adventure and the sooner we realize that, we will be able to treat life as art. You see most of us keep looking outside for guidance and finding the best way to do this or that; bending ourselves into uncomfortable pretzels that don’t feel right but we press on in the name of perfection and doing it right. When what we need to understand is that we were created creative. Maya says ‘we can invent new scenarios as needed.”

So starting today, pay attention to your inner compass. We all came fully loaded with one. Beware that when providence provides the idea or thought it can vanish in a second never to return so make a habit of writing things down. As you become more self-aware, and as you engage in focused effort you will eventually grow into a free, open space, big enough to hold you, but not so tightly fenced that if you want to expand further you couldn’t easily push through the gates and move on.

Let the captured elephant remind us how we imprison ourselves by limits and wanting to be perfect.

Be guided by these words by Teacher Angelou

Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous and unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.

Be encouraged. You can break free! Just be patient and loving with yourself.

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Don’t be so Stubborn about Changing your Mind

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To change ones mind about a person, an approach, a direction means to admit that perhaps we were wrong about the choice we made. Rather than quickly jump off the path we’re on – to another; rather than cut a completely NEW path – we plod on, wanting to prove ourselves RIGHT.

We’re often equally stubborn about how we see other people. We create our own story about them without their collaboration and when they show us a different side to themselves, we make excuses for their behavior versus simply accepting who they are.

It appears that the pain of being WRONG is greater us than the pain we may experience if we simply change our mind.

Do you think your life would change drastically if you weren’t so stubborn about changing your mind?

How much time do you think you spend in the comfort of sticking to your guns?

How much faster do you think you would get to where you wanted to go if you were flexible enough to accept that perhaps THE WAY isn’t working and you need to choose another?

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Beware of the Illusion of Progress

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Merrill’s Marauders (named after Frank Merrill) was a United States Army long range penetration special operations jungle warfare unit, which fought in the China-Burma-India Theater of Operations, or CBI, during World War II. Charlton Ogburn, Jr. (15 March 1911, Atlanta, Georgia – 19 October 1998, Beaufort, South Carolina) was a journalist and author of memoirs and non-fiction works. His best-known work was The Marauders (1959), a first person account of the Burma Campaign in World War II. In fact it is from the Harper’s magazine 1957 article “Merrill’s Marauders” that earned Ogburn his book contract. In this article Charles said:

“We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. Presumably the plans for our employment were being changed. I was to learn later in life that, perhaps because we are so good at organizing, we tend as a nation to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating THE ILLUSION OF PROGRESS while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.”

Is it just at the national level or is it at also at a personal level that we use reorganizing as a way of appearing busy and feigning progress? A coaching client of mine tells me that when faced with stuff he knows he has to do he usually starts with reorganizing his office. What about you: what do you choose to reorganize before getting started on the important project or having that hard but necessary conversation? The truth is that most of us prefer to linger at the “three to get ready” point and not ever reach to “four to go” where we would actually have to DO something.

In fact what most of us do is ramp up the amount of confusion in our lives just so we don’t do those important things that might prove that we couldn’t really, weren’t capable of or failed at the very thing we said we were passionate about.

According to Keller and Papasan, the authors of ‘The One Thing’ you say:

“You want fewer distractions and less on your plate. The daily barrage of e-mails, texts, tweets, messages, and meetings distract you and stress you out. The simultaneous demands of work and family are taking a toll. And what’s the cost? Second-rate work, missed deadlines, smaller paychecks, fewer promotions—and lots of stress You claim you want more productivity from your work. More income for a better lifestyle. You want more satisfaction from life, and more time for yourself, your family, and your friends.”

But do you really WANT these things? Your choices tell a completely different story. Your choices suggest that what you really want is not to be a failure and not to look stupid. You have two degrees but feel you need a third. Going to school has in itself, become a career for you. Richard Saul Wurman observes in ‘Information Anxiety’, “The same people who would delight in confessing to sexual indiscretions or income tax evasions blanch at the idea of saying ‘I don’t know.’ Instead we all practice the ‘uh-huh and yes’ defense. We all learn how to respond with a look of thoughtful intelligence to even the most incomprehensible information.” You don’t want to appear as not knowing what you’re really doing and so you’ve created a smoke screen of being a “work in progress” – busy but never quite completing anything and actually making REAL progress.

In her book ‘Inspired’ author Marcia Yudkin cautions

“Getting ready keeps you in a safe zone where failure isn’t possible. You have the illusion of progress even while you are simply spinning your wheels. You have the comfort of plausible excuses, such as “I don’t know enough yet” or “I’ll do it after I quit my job.”

If you’re part of the 95% who are kicking up loads of dust getting ready to take action know that you have EVERYTHING you need RIGHT NOW to take that NEXT STEP! You’ve taken countless classes, spent years assembling your tools, created the perfect office space and devoted yourself to the controversies among experts on how to get started.

It’s time for the number four to surface for you as a symbol of progress – “4 to go” that is! Are you ready to make REAL progress in your life?

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The Painful Reality of the Shortcut

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Posted this quote by Mark Twain on my Facebook page yesterday

The secret of getting ahead is getting started

I even decided to use it as my header on this site.

It’s an exceedingly simple truth yet we spend most of our time ignoring “the start” – searching for THE SHORTCUT. Before we begin we prefer to focus our energies on finding ways to do whatever it is in a very short period of time. We want that “to-do” to be done with – lickety-split!

Yet if we but start, we might find that we already know the what and the how. We might find that we take less time than we thought the task would take. We might find super ideas bursting forth as we start the process.

Rich Schefren tells us that savvy marketers know that our unmet need for speed is an enormously profitable niche. Everyone peddles the myth of instant wins and overnight success. On TV or at the movies we never see the little steps the main characters had to do hundreds of times to actually get the result. There simply isn’t enough time to show it and even if there was – it wouldn’t be as exciting. So they show a character deciding to go on a diet and then cut to the character stepping on the scale 30 pounds lighter. They don’t show the daily routine, the consistent willpower required, or any other detail that caused the achievement.

The search for immediate success forces you to become preoccupied with finding shortcuts. Soon thereafter intelligence gives way to expedience. We confuse speed with progress, adrenaline with purpose and urgency with importance.

Stop craving an “instant life”! Remember The Acme Corporation featured in Road Runner – when Wile E. Coyote produced products instantly that failed miserably?

The consistent search for shortcuts leads to large disabling setbacks.- Rich Schefren

Nothing is immediate. Everything takes time. If YOU want to get ahead – GET STARTED!

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You are Capable

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We all need to be reminded that once we activate our creative power we can follow through on any plan, idea or purpose.

We need to stop the insane thinking that keeps us constantly looking for more information, wasting countless hours scouring the Internet. Like Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors “Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! Feed me, Seymour” – we have insatiable appetites – letting perfection haunt us. Not raising that next foot until we’re convinced it’s a sure thing. And it’s never a sure thing!

We spend time getting READY to work and talking about ALL the things we have to do without taking any action.

We plan but never follow though

We deliberately let things get ‘out of hand’ and single- handedly sabotage ourselves just to prove some point that we aren’t good enough, deserving of…or “this just wasn’t our time.”

Today I think you – yes YOU! You need to hear these words…simply that you’re capable. Forget all the other toxic beliefs that you might be harboring about yourself. Know that you’re capable and simply take the next logical – no scratch that – TAKE THE NEXT CRAZY STEP! You know the one I’m talking about – Go on…TAKE IT!

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Embrace the Hand You’re Dealt

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When I was a child, I remember both my mother and grandmother giving me a thick, viscous, malt-based concoction on a spoon daily. It was “good for me” I was told. There was no evading it. It was poured and administered – spoon immediately in mouth – I had no choice but to swallow it as quickly as possible and remove any traces by creating tumultuous waves in my mouth, swishing and agitating, with water – a gulp and a frown – knowing that I’d have to endure the same….tomorrow.

My mother said that the crust of the bread was also “good for me” and so never removed it from my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which I loved.

And so to this day, I still eat the crust first (because in that household there was no getting around NOT eating what you were given lol) off any sandwich that I’m consuming – leaving the delicious center for last.

I didn’t realize that I was already learning a valuable lesson as a young person, that in life you must figure out how to deal with the hand you’re dealt. When you’re playing cards you have no idea which cards are going to end up in your hand. Sometimes they bring you joy and feelings that you’re going to win, and sometimes you just can’t wait for the game to be over.

Our power always lies in how we CHOOSE to respond to the hands we’re dealt.

Will you throw in the towel? Give up? Quit?

Or will you, as Cari Murphy describes in Create/Change/Now, make decisions to use the strength of your character to bravely play out your hand with honesty, integrity and grace?

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You Haven’t Opened All Your Gifts Yet!

mocha momentsI pluck inspiration from various places…I open books randomly…read whatever paragraph my finger points to and determine how I can apply what I’ve read to my life. I saw this suggestion recently from Paul Myers and tried it a few times. It’s like a mini adventure:

“Take any two books off your shelf at random. Open each to whatever page they happen to open to. Read the left-hand page of each book. Now ask yourself: How are these things connected? How could they be connected? And how does this relate to my goals and achieving them? Try this for just five minutes a day for 21 days. You’ll find that the process gets easier and becomes so much fun that you can’t stop after just five minutes.”

Today’s inspiration came from a facebook app: What God Wants You to Know. It said:

You haven’t opened all your gifts yet. Your life can be deeper than the ocean, larger than the sky and richer than all the minerals in the earth. You have so much potential. Do everything you dream of. Keep discovering yourself.

Today I encourage you to do just that. Look closely for what SQuire Rushnell calls Godwinks – miniature messages along the way that guide you to use your gifts and to be your best self!

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