Tag Archives: Dr.Marcia Reynolds

Effficiency versus impact

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset, Practicing Self Mastery by

During this morning’s quiet time, I was reviewing my business marketing efforts and contemplating whether I in fact was clear about my vision and what I wanted to be ‘known’ for. My mind drifted (as minds are fond of doing :) ) and I got to thinking about solo practitioners, and our quest for efficiency. After all it’s one of us and so many people to help in addition to ensuring that the world spins on its axis and of course finding  the answer to world peace! We are important. Our time is valuable. We need to get clients who can pay for our services and reward us well. I get that.

I recently was following a short workshop series where that guru suggested that I no longer give FREE sessions and tiered products that is from low cost – to high end. That I should perhaps focus on one high end product and make the other bits of information available FREE. Those freebies still did not include free consultations with people. And I get his approach.

Yet for me I realized that while I yearned for efficiency I still needed direct contact with people. I live on a twin island filled with people who need help, my help included. I am well aware that I can’t help everybody but is it possible to find a way to give everyone access to the information that will help them become successful in their own right?

In his book “God Wants You to be Rich” Paul Zane Pilzer says “God wants us to show compassion and understanding toward the unemployed or the poor not because they are poor but because poor people, with help from those who are already successful, can become rich. And when the poor become rich all will benefit, because in our modern economy new unemployment is the first sign of economic growth”

Listening to a Success Cd interviewing Seth Godin, Seth talked about how difficult it is to bootstrap your way to success. I know because I’ve been bootstrapping for a long time. This is not a bad thing but wouldn’t it have been great if there was some person in Trinidad and Tobago who was willing to teach me what he/she knew and shortcut my learning process? Perhaps but then probably not because I may have had to journey this way myself to know that THIS is not efficient and we could all do a lot more if we could just help ONE person along the way to improve, to grow, and to be better professional humans (a term I borrow from Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cybernetics.)

Dr. Maltz said, and this is my ultimate wish, first for the people of Trinidad and Tobago and then the rest of the world:

“Your life should be an adventure, an ongoing series of rich experiences, a process of setting goals and achieving fulfillment through realizing them. Every day should bring a spiritual triumph like a warm sun bursting through the clouds.”

So while I understand the efficiency philosophy, I’m also looking at my impact levels. When I sit one on one with people, I see them – I see their souls – something I would never be able to “see” otherwise and I always leave those meetings feeling revitalized and on purpose.

My friend and colleague Dr. Marcia Reynolds recently shared this status on her FB page:

“Someone suggested to me that everyone should have one email-free day a week. Call people. Go see them. Go out and enjoy the fall air. What a concept!!”

What a concept indeed! :) Who are you going to connect with and help today? This week?

cartoon from http://www.seppo.net

 

Put Away the Knife…

Posted in Practicing Self Mastery by

Of shame, blame, fear and remorse.

By Marcia Reynolds, PsyD

Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame gave the closing keynote at the Women’s Conference I spoke at in Omaha. Her brief yet powerful speech left us all feeling a little less crazy and immensely more content with life. I don’t think she would mind if I shared the secret with you.

She started by saying, “People think my life is together so I should be able to help them get their life together.” She didn’t disclaim the idea. Instead, she launched into her sense of where women stand in the world today.

“We, as women, are living in a most interesting time in history. We are the subjects of a social experiment. Suddenly we have choices, self-sufficiency, freedom…we don’t have thousands of years of role models, or even 50 years.”

She reminded us that our lives used to resemble each other’s whereas now our lives are very different from our sisters and old friends. We struggle with making decisions and then live with worry or regret over the decisions we made.

It is no wonder many of us are neurotic and keep seeking to find the one person who can tell us how to put our lives together and feel happy ever after.

She shared stories of how this ambiguity shows up in all of our lives no matter what choices we make.

Then she described what her day looks like. She starts with an hour of meditation, then an hour of yoga, and then a wonderful breakfast before sitting down to write. Or maybe she sees friends before summoning her muse.

Then she said, “Do you believe this is true? It’s not. I get up every day and do my best, just like you.” She said she often falls short of what she had hoped to accomplish and the days go too fast for her to keep up.

She ended by telling us to “Let go of the knife you are holding at your throat, the knife of shame, blame, fear and remorse.”

There was a long, deathly silence, a clear acknowledgment of how solid her words had hit home with the more than a thousand women in the room.

“Be kind to yourself,” she implored, “especially now. You must give yourself unconditional self-friendship.”

She said a few more things about putting the knife of judgment away and then ended her speech. The room burst with applause. They didn’t mind that she shared nothing new and no secret formula of success.

She shared her humanity. She shared how much she cares about what women are doing to themselves. And she shared a simple, profound truth that we need to hear over and over again.

I have the wonderful opportunity to be in Trinidad and Tobago this week — I will be speaking at A World of Possibilities™ on Thursday — the launch of a yearlong event — speaking directly to the needs of women — just as Elizabeth Gilbert described — all of you at a crossroads in your lives and confronted with so many different decisions that you can’t help but feel a little crazy. It’s my first time to your country and I look forward to sharing and meeting as many of you as I can.

After that Women’s Conference I have even more admiration for Elizabeth Gilbert, as a speaker and a wise woman (and of course, as an author). I will do my best to put the knife away today. What about you?

Want change? Get support!

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset, Practicing Self Mastery by


You’ve made the decision that you not only should change – you MUST!

You know it’s in your best interest to make the adjustment or in some cases a complete transformation.

Logically – it all makes sense and so you set out on your change journey only to find yourself back at square one just a couple days into the change process.

What happened?

Most of us rely on will power to effect change. Dr. Robert Anthony says that will power is an illusion. What we call will power is really conscious awareness. What happens when we decide to change is that we are consciously aware and so begin to effect change immediately. After a couple of days we might relax and slip right back into unconscious behavior.

The other thing that happens is that we have a false expectation of how longs it’s going to take to change. We want change to take effect the minute we think it but of course this isn’t so.

And finally there’s so much information about the effects of the change and the benefits but no instruction as to how to change and what to expect.

I met a guy recently on my short flight between Trinidad and Tobago and we got to talking about books and leadership. He told me that one time someone told him that he needed to read more. But the instruction didn’t stop there. This person then suggested that he go to the bookstore and actually buy a book followed by the suggestion that he tear out the first three pages of the book and read those three pages that day. He was to repeat the ‘rip three to read’ process daily until he finished the book.

Now I suspect that the three pages ripped out of the book was a small goal compared to holding the entire 270 odd pages or however many pages his first book contained and feeling overwhelmed by the thought that you had to read the entire thing.

So there was method in what might have first appeared to be a weird suggestion in supporting the change process.

My friend and colleague Dr. Marcia Reynolds says ‘change is a process that needs support.’

Don’t just depend on your will power or what we now know as conscious awareness. You are not made up to be consciously aware 24/7 ; you will relax and when you do your old habitual ways of doing whatever will surface. Talk to persons who’ve done what you want to do and hear about their methods. Test to see if it is a good fit. Also let a friend know that you’re trying to change so that they can encourage you and support you in the process. And finally be patient and loving and KIND! For whatever small changes you do make congratulate yourself and be encouraged. Change may not come overnight but once you persist you will eventually make the necessary changes that you need to in your life.

‘The Road to Change’ image from http://www.ebibleteacher.com

How to Find Your Life Force and the Human Being Inside the Well-Paid Executive

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I had the great pleasure of spending an hour with Larry Ackerman, founder of ‘The Identity Circle’. Larry feels that identity strength—how well you know 1) what makes you special and 2) what you will work to achieve no matter what obstacles get the way—is the key to your happiness. However, many of us lose contact with or never know what our “life force” is. We get busy doing other things, like surviving or focusing on what we think we should be doing.

Larry shared the following story with me. At the end, you’ll find an exercise to help you name your Life Force.

How can you succeed if you don’t know who you are?

After working hard for many years to be a success, you may stop one day and ask yourself who you are. You’ve had to leave your children in the hands of nannies, you’ve dressed for success, you’ve sacrificed your female intuition on the altar of marketing data, and you’ve brushed off sexual innuendos. Did you give up yourself in the process? Can you strip away the “shoulds” and define who you are when you feel fully alive and empowered?

Recovering one’s sense of self can seem like a daunting task. My friend Terry was a fighter. Terry had risen through the ranks of a well-respected health care organisation to become a vice president. Yet despite her seemingly successful career, she wasn’t happy.

Much of Terry’s drive to succeed had been trained into her as a child. With the best of intentions, her parents had insisted she follow a corporate career path. They believed that a traditional path was the only way to ensure Terry would be able to live independently, no matter what fate might bring.

At the age of 47, Terry developed a persistent, gnawing pain at the base of her stomach. After struggling to relieve the pain, she woke up one day with the realisation that the pain was telling her she needed to stop. She needed to stop working so hard and give herself the space to re-claim, as she put it, “the human being inside the well-paid executive” she’d worked so hard to become.

Terry courageously took herself on a path of self-discovery. In the months that followed, Terry’s emotions ran from elation to despair, but she was determined to clarify her identity — not simply as a woman; but as the unique individual she was. It took about four months, but Terry finally succeeded, coming to see that she was driven by one thing, one purpose, above all: to help people and organisations find the freedom to grow. This was Terry at her core; not Terry the executive, nor Terry the woman, but, simply, Terry the person.

Terry remained with her company, but many things changed. Re-energized, she joined the corporate innovation council, contributing new ideas for growth. At her request (and as strange as it may seem) internal communications now reports to Terry, so she has a direct connection with employees, which she relishes. Today, Terry promotes ‘identity conversations’ among her direct reports and encourages them to do the same with theirs.

Clarifying your identity — those unique characteristics that reveal your value-creating potential — can give you a fresh start on life, no matter how old you are, no matter what you have or haven’t accomplished, so far.

The process of identity discovery includes:

1. Start by defining yourself as separate from all others. Name the ways in which you are distinctly different from people you are closest to: your spouse/partner, parents, or best friend. Recognise that you’re not simply your labels, including your gender.

2. Unearth what you love. Identify four or five activities you love to do, such as skiing, cooking, travel, or horseback-riding. Then ask yourself why you love each. Once you’ve exhausted the ‘whys,’ look for patterns across these activities to see what themes emerge. These themes reveal what you really love and the innate capacities that are your greatest strengths.

3. Name the most important achievements of your life, beginning in childhood. What moments, large or small, have been most meaningful to you? Keep them simple and concrete. What is the pattern, or theme, that emerges among them all? It’s always there. Taking this step reveals your life force — the natural way you meet challenges and solve problems.

You can crack the code on your identity by combining the insights from these steps.

I have been working Larry’s steps to help define what I want to focus on in the next 10 years, which may be the last 10 years of my full-time career. I found it useful to give my life force a name or label. It could be as large as “breaking boundaries” or as sweet as “making connections.” See what comes up when you connect your dots.

When you allow yourself to focus on the force that fuels your life, you achieve amazing things that fill your heart not just your bank account. If this force is suppressed, you feel trapped or numb.

What is your life force?

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. is the bestselling author of Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. She is a professional coach and leadership trainer who teaches how to “outsmart your brain” to overcome challenges and find fulfilment on the road to success. Read more about her and her work at http://www.OutsmartYourBrain.com. What are the core ingredients that very few people know about that will help you take “NEXT” steps in your life? To find out send an email to womenleaderseries@gmail.com

Image from http://www.silverowhealingarts.com

We teach people how to treat us

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This is the second article in the “Women In Leadership Series”. If you missed the first one you can read it here.

In today’s article my colleague Dr. Marcia Reynolds addresses how Smart Strong Women Teach People How to Treat Them.

I am amazed at how many articles today still portray women as all alike and that we need to change in order to be successful. I contend that the people who write these articles and those that make management decisions based on women as a subset of humanity need to be educated.

If you feel the person in front of you doesn’t see you, hear you and honour you as an individual, you must teach this person who you are and what you need. Read the rest of the article here.

If you haven’t done so already be sure to get your copy of Marcia’s bestselling book –

Wake up and be open to Someone Else’s Ideas

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset, Practicing Self Mastery by

Many hotels have a wonderful tool that allows you to sleep without interruption. Yes I am referring to the humble but very effective ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign. All you have to do is hang this outside your door and you will be left alone for as long as you desire. Dr. Emmet Fox, a well known Thought Leader from the early 1930’s said “some people appear to have hung ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs on their brains; they deeply resent anything like a new idea, or even a new and better way of considering familiar things.”

Change is very uncomfortable. In learned and patterned behaviours it’s difficult to move from one way of doing something to another without a fight. I think of a simple act of peeling vegetables. I grew up in a home where my mother always insisted on placing a small bag in the sink and collecting the scraps from the potatoes or carrots so that you didn’t make ‘more work.’ And so I find it hard to accept anyone who just peels ‘haphazardly’ onto a sink of dishes – for instance. Does this make my way, right or wrong? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I do ‘feel’ that I am right. Whenever I see someone not doing it my way, I want to correct them, and show them how to do it.

This is the assumption Dr. Marcia Reynolds, author of Outsmart Your Brain and Wander Woman, calls “There is a right answer and it is mine (what are you blind?)” If other people challenge your point of view, you immediately get on the defensive and consider their view wrong.

Everyone by now knows the meaning of assume. We have all been exposed to the person who has to show us up in conversation and prove that anything we do, they can do better. Yet when our DND sign is on our brain we pretty much operate in the same way. Think about the many ways that we hurt ourselves when we resent new ideas or make assumptions.

We constantly have to be on the defensive. Once someone disagrees with us we think that we can no longer trust them and begin putting some distance in the relationship. To bolster our ‘rightness’ we talk behind their backs and get others to see our point of view to prove how wrong ‘they’ are.

Come on – fess up! Think back to the last ‘woe is me’ victim-like conversation you had. This however never makes you feel any better. At best it leaves you drained and saddled with feelings of, in addition to your resentment, – guilt – now that you’ve gossiped!

Being closed minded hurts our relationships and always being right is a heavy responsibility to bear. It is almost like a second job, when you have to constantly work at discounting other people’s ideas. Why then if being right is so painful, do we continue to hold on to this less than pleasant aspect of our persona? Quite simply – being the one who always knows has become foundational to who we think we are and so it is difficult to let go of easily.

How does opening up your mind to the possibility that someone else could come up with a useful idea or breakthrough solution look? Dr. Reynolds tells an interesting story. “I was complaining to my coach about how my boss disrespected me by forcing me to accept his ideas without hearing mine when she explained that he was doing his best with the amount of light he had; his light was small while mine was large.

I loved that explanation until she added, “Now, you have the responsibility to model what big light looks like.” From that day forward, I slowed down my negative reactions to his contrary ideas. Funny thing – when I quieted my defensive mind enough to hear him out, I found some interesting kernels in what he proposed. When I began acknowledging his ideas, he in turn asked to hear mine, which he then praised. “

Today is the day to snap out of your semi-coma, repeating time worn phrases and only your ideas. Don’t let your consciousness lie dormant. Remove your DND sign and begin to realize that life can be so much easier and healthier when you can accept the points of view of others and when you are not always RIGHT.

Do not disturb post it from www2.scholastic.com
Door nature by Filomena Scalise @ freedigitalphoto.net

Get acquainted with the ‘real’ you today…

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I wrote a post yesterday called “If you really knew me…” and then I came across this post by my friend Dr. Marcia Reynolds, bestselling author of the book “Wander Woman”-called  Who are you?

Yesterday I was at a lime (for non Trinbagonians I’ll let Queen Latifah explain what that is here :) ), and I met this guy who told me that he was unable to spend time by himself. He must ALWAYS have something to do. I must confess I was just like him at one time.

Now that I am older (and a tad wiser) I have learned the pleasurable art of keeping my own company. Back then, I went out because my friends wanted to go, or where I felt that I should go, and most times I did not have a good time. Now I find I can spend days at the bat cave (my pet name for my apartment) reading, without venturing out.

Watch that word should…when it comes up examine why you think you “should” do what ever. This will reveal many clues. We often ‘should’ on ourselves far too much.

Think about who YOU really are as you read Marcia’s post. I encourage you to do the exercise as well.

Don’t let fear prevent you from getting to know who you really are.

I’m still finding out, and learning from my past mistakes as well as from those things that I can celebrate now, BECAUSE I made those mistakes.