Tag Archives: fear

This Halloween I’m Showing up as IMPOSSIBLE!

Posted in Practicing Self Mastery by

CONTEMPLATE THIS…

Why you might ask?

Because IMPOSSIBLE is frightening!

Let the word tumble around a bit in your head…that’s right…impossible…impossible…impossible…I’m going to attempt to do the impossible.

If you want a little help stirring up feelings for the impossible, this account of Felix Baumgartner’s record breaking highest jump ever should get you tingling. “Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble. It’s not about breaking records any more. It’s not about getting scientific data. It’s all about coming home.”

The average person doesn’t contemplate jumping  period! – let alone jumping off cliffs, buildings, aeroplanes…

Seemingly small things terrify us though…

  • Like taking the first step to starting a business
  • Having a difficult conversation with an employee
  • Opposing someone whom we love and respect but simply don’t agree with this time around
  • Setting a goal that is terrifying but that we felt was in us from the time we were born.

Teddy Roosevelt said almost a century ago:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Brene Brown, in her book of the same name, explains “Daring Greatly”

I feel pain when I read “I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful, as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” And I feel the fear of taking the next step. Felix Baumgartner reminds me in his quote “Fear has become a friend of mine” …that I should befriend fear!

And this just occurred to me:

We need to be courageous enough to free fall INTO our own lives.

Look at Felix’s account again and this time think of your own life:

“Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble. It’s not about breaking records any more. It’s not about getting scientific data. It’s all about coming home.”

We all need to experience what Felix did. What would it feel like coming home to who you are, who you were meant to be and have finally become?

  1. Befriend fear (you might as well because it’s never going away)
  2. Accept that it seems impossible now but that’s ok
  3. Commit to the jump
  4. Free fall into your life™!

NOW GO DO SOMETHING!

Business Survival is no Longer for the Fittest but the Wisest!

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As published on page 13 in today’s Business Newsday, Trinidad and Tobago April 5th 2012 and online here http://www.newsday.co.tt/businessday/0,158061.html

“I really admire how you read so much Giselle. How I wish I had that kind of time available – I would do just as you are and probably read just as much,” said a department manager of a company where I’d just delivered the results of a customized research program. She said it in a way that implied I had a lot of time on my hands, was not as busy as she was – as the demands for her time were far greater than those for mine. In her busy schedule where would she find the time for the reading luxury?

I understand that in today’s business world people are busy but let’s stop for a moment and think about today’s business climate.

Today’s business climate is a lot like the weather. Lame jokes abound across the world – like this one from Sweden about the weather “Don’t like the weather? Wait five minutes.” And it would be funny if it weren’t so true. This was Kate Reuterswärd’s (an American, a serial expat, and a travel addict) description about the weather in Sweden: “I woke up in the morning to sun, which already is a big success in March. Then I packed up my things and went back to Malmö, where I proceeded to sit at the same table in front of the same windows for five hours while teaching English. During the five hours I spent in front of those windows, the sun gave way to hail, which receded and then came back again twice as strong, setting off car alarms and ricocheting off of innocent pedestrians as they scrambled for cover. Then hail session number two eased into a blizzard-like snow, which, within an hour, became torrential rain. Then about half an hour before my scheduled 3 pm departure time, the sun came out, and I was able to unzipper my coat on my bike ride home.” And this ladies and gentlemen is business today. It’s not just about uncertainty. It’s about chaos!

Any business owner ignoring this ‘new world’ is doing so at her own peril. In a February 2012 Fast Company article called ‘Generation Flux’ writer Robert Safian says “Despite recession, currency crises, and tremors of financial instability, the pace of disruption is roaring ahead. The next decade or two is going to be defined more by fluidity than by any new, settled paradigm; if there is a pattern to all this, it is that there is no pattern. The most valuable insight is that we are in a critical sense, in a time of chaos.”

So how do we plan to thrive in this unpredictable climate that we find ourselves in? The truth is that we don’t know what we don’t know or what we will need to know in the future. Safian says, “The security of the forty-year career of the man in the gray flannel suit may have been overstated, but at least he had a path, a ladder. Today there is a constant pressure to learn new things and adapt to new work situations with no guarantee that you will be in the same business or industry for that matter long term. This can be at the same time – daunting, exhausting yet exhilarating. “

“Fear holds a lot of people back” says Raina Kura, 34, showcased in the same article. “I’m skill hoarding. Every time I update my resume, I see the path I didn’t know would be. You keep throwing things into your backpack, and eventually you’ll have everything in your toolkit.”

What does this say for business owners and knowledge gathering? First off we must embrace learning as a lifelong experience – not a collection of facts or skills. Whatever we learned in school is no longer all we need to know. What got us to where we are now in our businesses won’t be the same combination of activities to take us where we want to be. According to Dr. Denis Waitley, hundreds of scientific papers are published daily. Every 30 seconds some new technological company produces yet another innovation. Your formal education has a very short shelf life.

In order to thrive in this ambiguity we need to have a new attitude towards learning. We need to take learning under our own belt. Teach ourselves, learn new ideas on the run. Dig deep enough to understand not just the “how” but the “why”.

As leaders we already know that we cannot get by without thoroughly knowing our field but thinking that we are experts is dangerous. Figuring that we know all there is to know is foolhardy. Instead of being driven by curiosity, you become driven to defend what you’ve previously researched, invented, created, marketed or published. Reciting safe answers, you stop saying the liberating words “I don’t know” and instead make silly excuses that just inflate your sense of self that you hope will mask your ignorance.

Tom Wolfe once observed that what a good journalist needs most of all is “portable ignorance,” an ability to put aside what he or she “knows” in order to receive other points of view without prejudice. I think it’s what today’s business owners and leaders need as well.

If not we run the risk of clinging to assumptions without determining whether they have factual foundation; losing our curiosity and paying less attention to our business climate. No doubt we won’t survive with this attitude because we will never be able to handle our “unpredictable business weather.”

weather diagram from http://www.youngstown.k12.oh.us

Should I Go…?

Posted in Practicing Self Mastery by

As published in the Express Woman today 13 2 2011 as part of the Women In Leadership Series with Giselle Hudson and Dr. Marcia Reynolds. Look out for upcoming information on the Event of the Year “A World of Possibilities™ just for women in June 2011. Join the community

All of us have to answer this question over and over many times in our lives. Should I go…

  • …back to school?
  • …out on my own and start a business?
  • …ahead and leave the relationship after 15 years?
  • …to that party even though it’s not really my kind of thing?

It’s usually when we come to the familiar fork in the road that many of us stay at the fork, immobile, unable to take another step. Our journey resembles this riddle: A hiker comes to a fork in the road and doesn’t know which way to go to reach his destination. There are two men at the fork, one of whom always tells the truth while the other always lies. The hiker doesn’t know which is which, though. He may ask one of the men only one question to find his way. Which man does he ask, and what is the question?

We often create damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenarios that keep us stuck. The riddles are unsolvable and the weight of our confusion ensures that we really stay put. What keeps us anchored is fear.

Perhaps the real question you should be asking is “If I go…” and begin visualizing the possibilities. Think of yourself as a tourist. Don’t just go with your camera to take pictures. Talk with people who have done what you’re figuring you ‘should’ do. Don’t go for the packaged deal either. This is a trip you need to take by yourself.

Familiarity can be reassuring – as you travel – but try to mix it up a bit. Don’t ‘buy’ all of your needs from one source. Take at least one off-the-beaten-track destination then consider collecting and posting photos and perceptions of your trip.

Although I said that you’re going to take the trip by yourself, fear will be right by your side. But you see this is the thing. Whenever you get to a fork, you allow fear to keep you right where you are. What you need to start doing is befriending fear. At the very least, acknowledge fear’s presence. Don’t run away, lose yourself in more work, or busy yourself with more responsibilities. Look at fear and say basically “I’m seeing you and it’s OK. No need to hide. Come on out and stand with me at yet another fork as I decide what I’m going to do. I know you are trying to hold me back for my own good but I’m going to explore one of these avenues. Chances are you’ll be right by my side as I do, and that’s ok.”

And now for the answer to the riddle: Either man should be asked the following question: “If I were to ask you if this is the way I should go, would you say yes?” While asking the question, the hiker should be pointing at either of the directions going from the fork.

When we get to our fork, we may research and glean answers from others but no one can decide for us. We must decide for ourselves. Marianne Williamson shares a comforting thought that the Universe ALWAYS course corrects. It means that even if you do choose the ‘wrong’ path, you will be guided back to the path you should be on. The most important think you need to do is to move – to act.

If befriending fear is too ‘woo woo’ for you then you may want to take this suggestion from Perry Marshall. He says: “One day I realized: Fear is a bad habit. It can be conquered, the same way you conquer any other bad habit. You replace it with something better. And that, my friend, is one of the greatest truths you can ever discover: Do what you fear and you control fear.”

I don’t know what you fear right now. Whatever it is it is silently holding you back from the life you secretly desire. Whatever it is, turn and face it. Grab that thing by the roots, pull it out and seize your fork! Well you know what I mean – Seize the day!

Illustration from http://www.ricksinai.com

Today NOT Tomorrow

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset by

Nike popularized “Just do it”.

One of my colleagues instilled in me “Do it now”

Yet at times I find myself putting off the very thing that I KNOW will take me to the next stage – the next level of my life.

Why?

Perhaps because I am afraid and fear really is our only true enemy.

If I remove the fear attached to my thoughts then my outpicturing becomes far more pleasant.

We truly have nothing to fear but fear itself.

As logical as all of this is sounding to me as I type, I wonder if I will revert to old behaviors tomorrow, despite the insight?

Then I remember that now is all I have and so in this moment, I am pretty cool with the thought of plucking fear from  my present thoughts and plans which make them seem doable somehow, which gives me a little more confidence and realization that I can choose to trust in my fearfulness or I can choose to trust in the wonderful ideas that surface for me.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Fearing success more than failure

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset by

This is not a new thought.

Many times we say it quite confidently:

“I think I fear success more than I fear failure”


But that’s as far as we dare go. Having said it – we’ve admitted it and somehow feel absolved. If only for a moment.

Failure is familiar – like a worn shoe, or old coat…it takes our shape, knows every curve, every line…comfort in the simplest sense.

  1. What does SUCCESS look like?
  2. Will it mean having to spend time alone?
  3. Not see family as often?
  4. Become so popular that I lose sight of who I am?
  5. How will success affect my relationships?
  6. Will I lose the people I love?
  7. Will my partner feel intimidated?

The thought of being successful comes with all the additional thoughts of all that we have at stake. And when we mull over that list, it’s a lot!

Success will bring change and change is uncomfortable but don’t fear change.

Keep in mind the words of Helen Keller “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

Photo found at Zombies, Monsters and More

Expected Pain vs. Unwelcome Pain

Posted in Developing the Possibilities Mindset by

Today I was certain which came first.

First I had the egg and then a couple of hours later – pain reared its head – searing blinding pain. I didn’t know if I was going or coming. Every time I thought “OK, it’s over” a new wave of pain ensued.

Of course when I set off this morning to run a couple errands and then go to breakfast, I never imagined that at two o’clock I would have been ‘stall arrested’ :) for a couple of hours!

Thank God, the pain finally subsided.

On a phone call to my mom this evening, I was saying that clearly I could never have children given the fact that I had this very low threshold for pain to which she cut through my ramblings and said “Nah! Childbearing is a completely different kind of pain experience. Childbirth is pain with purpose!” And I thought…”Hmmmm” and wrote down ‘pain with purpose’.

And she’s right. You expect that pain, you know it’s going to come, and you know when it’s going to end. You can prepare for it.

With unwelcome pain – you are not quite sure of the purpose and the uncertainty as to when it will actually end, is enough to cause additional pain and frustration.

The gurus tell us that we are wired to avoid pain and welcome pleasure.

Yet what should we do when pain comes without warning, without us expecting it?

Whenever I feel ill (as in today) I immediately start thinking of how I am when I am well. I am not trying to be Polly Anna positive, it’s just what I’ve always done. And some how it allows me to lean into the pain and come out on the other side with much gratitude for the many great days in which I have no pain and experience excellent health.

What do you do when you make a situation out to be painful as in a project for a client that is particularly challenging that you keep putting off the start day, and with every passing day feel more pain as you procrastinate?

Perhaps just like I do with physical pain you can visualize your payday – when you receive the cheque for your fantastic work with your client telling you that the phones are ringing off the hook and sales have doubled since using your creative piece in their marketing campaign.

When money isn’t good and you’re barely  making a living to provide for yourself or your family you can alleviate your present pain by visualizing how your eventual success will change your life.

Clayton Makepeace said “I designed my dream life in painstaking detail (notice that word pain coming up again) – and when I say painstaking detail I mean I wrote down where I wanted to live then researched how much my dream house would cost me there. I picked out my dream car, went down to the dealer and worked out what the color, options, price and payments would be. Then I added up what all the things I wanted would cost. And I figured out that when I got my income to just $223,917 per year, my dream life would be mine. From that moment on, I had a crisp clear mental image of why I was going to work everyday, why I was putting in the long hours and why I was enduring the humiliation of rejection and failure (both VERY painful experiences)”

I’m about to indulge in a pleasurable movie experience but would love to hear from you and  how you deal/cope with pain.

Photo courtesy Carlos Porto @freedigitalphotos.net

Get acquainted with the ‘real’ you today…

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I wrote a post yesterday called “If you really knew me…” and then I came across this post by my friend Dr. Marcia Reynolds, bestselling author of the book “Wander Woman”-called  Who are you?

Yesterday I was at a lime (for non Trinbagonians I’ll let Queen Latifah explain what that is here :) ), and I met this guy who told me that he was unable to spend time by himself. He must ALWAYS have something to do. I must confess I was just like him at one time.

Now that I am older (and a tad wiser) I have learned the pleasurable art of keeping my own company. Back then, I went out because my friends wanted to go, or where I felt that I should go, and most times I did not have a good time. Now I find I can spend days at the bat cave (my pet name for my apartment) reading, without venturing out.

Watch that word should…when it comes up examine why you think you “should” do what ever. This will reveal many clues. We often ‘should’ on ourselves far too much.

Think about who YOU really are as you read Marcia’s post. I encourage you to do the exercise as well.

Don’t let fear prevent you from getting to know who you really are.

I’m still finding out, and learning from my past mistakes as well as from those things that I can celebrate now, BECAUSE I made those mistakes.