I am really blessed to have a couple of those people in my life who point out when I am being biased, or too emotional or irrational. These friends pull my B.S from behind me where I’m hiding it and hold it right in front my face, where I can look at it squarely and realize that sometimes I can be so full of crap. I in return do the same for them.
It’s important to have REAL conversations about TRUTH and not pretend conversations involving blowing sunshine up each other’s butts in hope that if you gloss over the obvious long enough, you might begin to fool even yourself, that change is not necessary and you’re good just as you are!
But this comes at a cost, one that we may not really understand until…
My friend and colleague Dan Waldschmidt tells it like it is. He’s like an on-line Dr. Phil, exposing and talking about those things we’d prefer not to, while basking in our comfortable career, attempting to enjoy our ever so comfortable life!
Whenever Dan shares a post, I take a deep breath before reading because I KNOW that Dan is going to hit a raw nerve that I am way too afraid to examine on my own and do anything about. In his post – “The Inconvenient Relevance of not yet” – Dan opens with:
It doesn’t matter that you’re not a hard worker until you realize that you haven’t developed the right experience and skills — because you haven’t been willing to do what is hard or uncomfortable.
It doesn’t matter that you’re a jerk to those around you until you can’t get promoted or land a new job because no one wants to be within a thousand yards of you, much less give you a testimonial.
It doesn’t matter that you’re wasteful and undisciplined in how you spend your money and time until you’re broke and in debt to the point that it will take you years to get back to a level playing field.
It doesn’t matter that you have bad habits in your life, until it does matter.
It‘s easy to shrug off poor behavior and personal vices with the explanation that “it doesn’t really matter right now”. Usually that means that you haven’t seen enough of the negative results of your poor behavior to realize how much damage you’re actually doing.
All the decisions and choices we make do have consequences and prolonged poor judgment and bad habits, long term, are not going to reap positive results.
You’ve heard this before I’m sure – mistake making is not the problem. Not learning from them and improving upon your strategy is the issue. If you aren’t getting the results you want them SOMETHING is missing and you need to find out what.
But WHY aren’t we learning from our mistakes? Why do we seem to be stuck in our old ways of being?
According to Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, an international authority in psychological profiling, consumer analytics, and talent management – “Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, some studies suggest the base rate for bad decision making is as much as 50%. Unfortunately, when most people are confronted with the news that they made a bad decision, they are unwilling to admit they made a mistake. Instead, we tend to react in a combination of three characteristic ways:
- Defensiveness – these are the people who react to feedback by getting emotional. They blame other people, circumstances, timing, and other factors beyond their control.
- Denial – they refuse to recognize facts, ignore feedback, spin failure as success, or want to move on.
- Smiling through their teeth – these people appear willing to admit failure and listen to feedback, but are really just putting on an act to avoid confrontation.
…And what about our behaviors? Mega successful entrepreneur Rich Schefren cites 4 business killing (and I’d say life killing) behaviors:
- You must determine the appropriate objectives that will carry you/your business toward your goal
- You must target your attention on the fewest necessary steps critical to your success
- You must consistently follow through on EVERY action that will ensure your eventual success
- You must be accountable for the results necessary to achieve your goal
What fools us most of the time is the lag between what we do and what happens because of what we do. If you knew the consequences upfront of your poor judgment and/or bad behaviors and still persisted in doing those things then I’d have to assume that:
You were willfully sabotaging your success or that you have NO IDEA the pain that’s waiting for you down the road.
In order for you to begin to feel and understand the true cost of poor judgment and bad behavior ask yourself the following:
How does your decision making, habits and or behaviors affect your:
- Confidence and ability to show up powerfully in your business and life?
- Health by not being able to eat or sleep properly?
- Quality of life when you’re busy outing fires and can’t do OTHER things you love to do because you don’t have the energy?
There are no pre-defined formulae to solve the problems we have however, there is a lot you can do to minimize your default reasoning biases. Competent coaching will help you understand how you normally think, and how you are likely to distort reality in your favor, which should help you avoid relying on mental shortcuts to make important decisions.
Dan encourages “Make sure that where you end up is exactly where you intend to be. Because when it DOES matter, it will be too late to change the behavior that got you to where you are right now.”
Every mistake has the potential to make you wiser and move you closer to getting the results you say you want. Now is the time to do the hard things you’ve been putting off or avoiding!
I help people learn how to unlock and leverage their potential and the potential of others to get better results in their businesses, careers and lives. If you’re ready to get better results, schedule a FREE strategy session with me by first sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org If you own a business put “business owner” in the subject line. If you are an employee put “employee” in the subject line.