At one point on my journey, I spoke a lot about ‘finding ones voice’. It was an important conversation to have because I found myself so often dialing back, and not fully expressing how I felt. This occurred in many situations. Some serious, others casual, but regardless of the situation, what I was fully aware of was that every time I did not say something because I was afraid of being kicked out of my circle of comfort, I lost a bit more of myself. I was the poster child for losing my voice, not finding it.

I am not suggesting that we all become loose cannons and not think before we speak. Sometimes we can be hurtful to others when we shoot from the hip without considering the outcome we are after. But I do believe that we can be firm and respectful, getting our point across minus any unnecessary put downs or digs.

I think that there is worth in finding our voice and expressing that voice with confidence. Yet today it’s getting harder and harder, because the world is filled with so much visual and audible self-expression that if we are not careful we can begin to simply reflect what we are hearing and seeing, without giving careful consideration to our thoughts and developing our own point of view.

The result is that we live very disconnected lives. Social media has become a public chase for approval and validation. We want to fit in, to feel valuable…we want to impress others.

What others think about us is an external value NOT an internal one. If you don’t first believe in and see your own value your life won’t be as meaningful an experience as it could be. You will live in a chasing state and consistently exchange who you are for approval and validation. How do I know this? Because this is my experience.

Anyone reading this would have had some sort of internal collapse. We’ve all endured loss: Lost businesses, friendships, marriages and we’ve tied all of that to our worth. Ergo, these external events fuck up our internal beliefs about ourselves. Yet this is life. Obstacles and challenges will keep coming at us and so it is important for our worth not to be contingent on what others think of us but on what we think of ourselves.

Warren Buffett talked about this in the book ‘The Snowball” by Alice Schroeder.

“The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.”

WARREN BUFFETT

When you have an internal scorecard, no one can define success for you but you.

The investor Guy Spier won a charity lunch with Buffett, and related his experience in a book called The Education of a Value Investor. He immediately recognized Buffett’s lack of falseness:

One of Buffett’s defining characteristics is that he so clearly lives by his own inner scorecard. It isn’t just that he does what’s right, but that he does what’s right for him. 

Are you doing what’s right for you?

As a person who basks in information, loves books, loves making sense of the world, it is very easy for me to lose my way and be seduced into following how-to steps and ways of being that if I am not careful put me more out of alignment with myself than in. I have to ensure at all times that someone else’s voice is not drowning out my own internal wisdom and knowing what is best for me at any given time.

This is a call to start getting comfortable with you.

1. Like yourself.
2. Learn to TRUST yourself.
3. Get comfortable with who you are, warts and all.

Connect to what the Angry Therapist John Kim calls the Solid (true) Self versus our Pseudo (false) Self.

Sometimes we get so caught up in chasing that we can’t see the forest from the trees. We ignore our lives as is, in pursuit of something else, that keeps moving further and further away from our grasp.

Accept your life as it is right now and choose to see the bits of gold in it today. Stop chasing the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow that’s not steeped in reality. Choose joy. Celebrate the mundane – stop obsessing about what you don’t have and start seeing what you do have:

• Client work that you enjoy
• A favorite mug you drink tea or coffee in
• The ability to hear and enjoy a great story
• The ability to see and watch a movie so moving that it made you cry
• Knowing that one friend who never disappoints in posting memes that make you to laugh out loud

This will take practice but over time you will begin to see and experience more joy-filled days despite your circumstances. You will find life in your life once you remain connected to that which is yours and yours alone.