Behaviour Geneticist Kathryn Paige Harden recently shared an exchange between her 6 year old and her 8 year old.

Her 6 year old was working on a bead design and asked: “Do you want to help me?” Her 8 year old responded: “Yes. Do you want me to follow your direction or give ideas?”

Dr. Harden’s proposition: All academic collaborations would be improved by having this EXACT conversation.

I’m proposing that all consultants, solo professionals and service providers have this same conversation with those clients who ask for help.

Many moons ago I worked with a distribution company and was hired to provide strategy and guidance for the sales department. I was much younger then and while I was bold enough to accept the task, I was not as confident to speak my truth when I saw it fit. The managing director intimidated me and pretty soon I was basically following his lead, which eventually led to him feeling “what’s the point of me being there?”

This is of course my interpretation because we never actually had this conversation and I did get paid what I asked for however, there was more that could have been done but I had no idea how to take back the wheel from the MD and speak my truth as I saw it at the time.

Why I like this approach is because it quickly establishes your position: are you there to carry out orders OR are you there for your approach and ideas? This would save a ton of time.

Far too often much is left on the table because someone is busy telling the consultant, hired to solve the problem, how to solve the problem.

Years later I was brought in to discuss some problems that a boutique outfit was having and during our preliminary discussions, the marketing director started sharing both the problems and her solutions. I allowed her to share and once she was through I politely asked why did she need me. I wasn’t rude and it was a serious question. If you already have the answers why hire me unless you needed me to enact the solutions, which is why clarification upfront is so important.

If you don’t ask these clarifying questions, then you are more likely to be afraid to share your views, particularly when those aren’t what your client wants to hear but needs to hear. These clarifying questions, take conflict off the table and allow you to know precisely where you stand at the start of any engagement.