Clarity starts right where you are. Make sense first before you make your next move

Talk to Giselle

Why does change break down after training —
even when the content was brilliant?

** HINT: It’s not a learning problem. It’s a clarity problem.

Let’s talk…I’ll tell you why

How do you develop a self you don’t know?

I attended an event last Saturday called “Spilling the Tea”, hosted by Sunny Gopaul. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen at that event, however I am so grateful that I attended.

The panel consisted of five women who spoke about their experiences in business and life and in particular underscoring many of the challenges women face. While each person shared, each woman in attendance nodded in full understanding as if to say, “yes, this is me, or I’ve done that before, or this was my experience.”

One of the repeated themes was the importance of knowing who you are and loving who you are.

As someone who is a bit of a self development addict, stemming from always feeling like “there must be something more”, to making me feel better about myself, what I was offering, and how I was showing up, I thought about what it must look and feel like, developing a self you don’t know.

One of the panelists, Ann-Marie Emmanuel, talked about what her experience was like starting a form of training promising to help her discover her blind spots. In other words, what she didn’t know you didn’t know. One of the first things addressed was knowing who you are. She thought skeptically, that she already knew herself and there was nothing that this course could add.

Long story short is that this became a pivotal point in her life, and started her on a journey in getting to truly know and understand herself.

We are all configured by experiences, wear masks to hide shame, and bury hurts in an effort to not have them affect us. Except as Jon Kabat-Zinn says – wherever you go, there you are.

Knowing yourself is more than knowing preferences – like colours or food, whether you like to party or stay at home, what books you like to read, TV series you enjoy etc. It’s about understanding your energy, discovering how you are naturally motivated to act, which situations uplift, and which situations drain; what kind of work are you best suited for, what projects you should say no to; do you operate best by yourself, or do you work better with a team.

Here are a two ideas from Ching-Ning Chu, to help you start discovering who you are BEFORE pursuing another course of self-development:

  1. Break the constraints of the inner images and external standards. Well-meaning friends and family have over time, drilled into you all the rules about how you should behave and feel and you have created an image of yourself around that – other people’s expectations and beliefs. Reclaim the natural state of your true self.
  2. Search for your own inner conviction. Discern why you do or do not do something. You are not a robot.

Self-observation is essential to self-growth. You need to first understand the motives of your own actions in order to understand others.

You will increase the odds of your success, when you find the courage to do what you must without regard to what others may think. To persevere in anything exceptional, requires inner strength and the unshakable conviction that you are right in being you.

It is exhausting trying to prove yourself through relentless self-improvement, over committing and over-giving. I can help you understand how to navigate this so that you can get off the hamster wheel, learn how to live with who you are and be successful.