The way we lead ourselves, sets the tone for how we lead others and how we treat ourselves inevitably spills over into how we treat everyone else.

In the Bible’s book of Esther, there’s a man named Haman. He’s consumed with ego, resentment, and the need to be recognized. When one man, Mordecai, refuses to bow to him, he doesn’t just get angry — he builds a seventy-five-foot pole to have Mordecai executed. But in the end, Haman is destroyed on the very pole he constructed.

Mordecai represents conscience — the higher self that will not compromise integrity, even when it’s costly. His very name connects to myrrh — bitter to taste but used for healing and consecration. He embodies the part of us that can endure bitterness but still hold to what is sacred and true.

That’s the picture of what happens inside us. We all have our “Hamans” — those inner critics, those patterns of pride or bitterness, those voices that whisper, “You’re not enough.” Each time we listen, the pole gets taller. And eventually, we’re the ones impaled on what we’ve built.

And here’s the paradox: we also have our Mordecais within us. Just as the Haman in us builds poles out of ego, criticism, and fear, the Mordecai in us refuses to bow, even when it would be easier. One voice demands recognition. The other stands quietly in integrity. And inside every leader, both are present.

When inner leadership turns unkind, it’s usually because, the punishment we aim at ourselves doesn’t stay contained — it leaks into how we manage, how we communicate, how we hold space. People feel it, even when it’s unspoken.

Kind leadership begins when we stop lengthening the pole. When we choose to turn toward ourselves with clarity and compassion instead of criticism. Real authority isn’t built on fear — of others or of ourselves. It’s built on the courage to treat the inside with the same dignity we want to extend outward.

Which voice we listen to shapes how we lead. If we side with Haman, we lengthen the pole until we end up impaled on it ourselves. But when we side with Mordecai — bitter but sacred, uncompromising yet healing — we step into kind leadership. The moment we stop punishing ourselves, we stop punishing others. And that’s where alignment begins.

Strategic Reflection Prompt: Where are you still lengthening the pole by being unkind to yourself? What one small act of kindness could you extend inward today to break the cycle?

If this resonates, let’s talk. A clarity conversation may be the first step toward dismantling the pole and leading from alignment rather than self-punishment.