The idea of Emotional Intelligence (EI) first appeared in academic psychology in the 1990s through the work of Peter Salovey and John Mayer, who defined it as the ability to perceive, understand, and regulate emotions in ourselves and others.

But it was Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence that pushed the concept into boardrooms and mainstream culture. Goleman’s argument was simple but radical: while IQ and technical skills matter, they are not what distinguish the most effective leaders. What sets high performers apart is emotional intelligence — the ability to manage oneself and navigate relationships. In fact, Goleman argued that EI could matter more than IQ when it came to long-term success.

Three decades later, his thesis keeps proving true.

For more than thirty years, business schools and boardrooms have circled around those same two words: emotional intelligence.

Not because it sounds soft or trendy. But because leaders keep bumping into the same obstacle: it’s one thing to master technical skills, systems, or strategy. It’s another thing entirely to get people to work together without wasting energy on drama, defensiveness, or ego.

Business doesn’t fall apart because people forget spreadsheets or strategies. It falls apart because emotions run the show.

• A leader makes a multimillion-dollar decision out of pride.
• A team burns energy managing appearances instead of results.
• An inner critic pushes you into a spiral after one misstep.

What Emotional Intelligence Really Means

At its core, emotional intelligence is the ability to:

• Recognize your own emotions.
• Pause before reacting.
• Notice how others are feeling — not to manipulate, but to align.
• Reduce wasted energy on conflict, performance, and posturing.

When we miss this, teams burn hours on appearances and politics instead of progress.

The Business Cost of Ignoring It

Think about how many decisions get derailed, not because the plan was bad, but because people were protecting image, avoiding discomfort, or reacting impulsively.

• In 2008, Lehman Brothers collapsed under the weight of reckless risk-taking fueled by fear and hubris. The spreadsheets told one story, but emotions — greed, denial, overconfidence — drove the fatal choices.
• In team settings, I’ve watched leaders run entire projects off course because they were more concerned with “looking right” than being aligned. By the time the truth surfaced, time, trust, and talent had already been lost.

As Harvard’s Ronald Siegel explains:

We humans are grossly inefficient… most of our energy is spent on making sure we look good, or on getting triggered by one another.

In practical terms, ignoring EI shows up as:

• Slower execution — meetings to manage feelings instead of moving the work.
• Rework and delay — avoidant feedback, unspoken concerns, and last-minute reversals.
• Talent drain — conflict avoidance or simmering resentment that pushes your best people out.
• Bad bets — pride-driven or fear-driven choices that ignore signal and chase noise.
• Lost trust — clients and partners sense inconsistency, weakening renewal and referral.

EI doesn’t remove hard work. It keeps energy directed at the goal instead of bleeding sideways into conflict.

Five Habits That Build Emotional Intelligence

1. Get a handle on what’s going on inside you.
   Self-awareness is the foundation. Warren Buffett once admitted he bought Berkshire Hathaway out of spite — a $200B decision triggered by offense. That’s the cost of ignoring what’s really driving you.
2. Don’t let your emotions run the show.
   Recognize them, then separate them from your reaction. Fear can fuel action, but if it traps you serving a goal you no longer value, it’s waste.
3. Pay attention to others’ feelings.
   Not to tiptoe — to understand how they work under pressure so you can lead and collaborate effectively.
4. Beware of drama.
   Most teams spend more energy on image-management than execution. EI cuts through that waste.
5. Learn to work well with teams.
   Social skill isn’t optional. Resolve conflict, align quickly, and move together without energy leaks.

Adding “Double Distance” to the Mix

Psychologist Ethan Kross adds another tool for taming the inner critic: distance.

• Third-person self-talk: “What should Giselle do next?” You become the advisor, not the accused.
• Temporal zoom-out: “Will this matter six months from now?” Most storms shrink under a longer lens.

Together, these two practices reframe setbacks so you can act strategically instead of reactively.

Why This Matters for Alignment

Processes break where people are misaligned — and misalignment is often emotional: fear, ego, shame, defensiveness.

Emotional intelligence isn’t soft. It’s structural. It’s the one capability that keeps individuals and teams from burning energy sideways instead of forward. It doesn’t show up neatly on a KPI dashboard, but it’s the factor that carries the day in every project, negotiation, and partnership.

At the end of the day – Emotional intelligence is your execution edge.

Strategic Reflection Prompt

Where are emotions — your own or your team’s — leaking energy from the real work, and what changes when you apply even one of these practices before you act?

About Giselle

Giselle Hudson is a writer, possibility thinker, speaker, Strategic Alignment Facilitator™, and MCODE Legacy Coach. She helps solo professionals, non and for profit organizations identify where focus and learning need to occur to stay aligned and achieve real results — all beginning with The One Question Every Business Must Answer™.