Today’s Strategic Alignment Journal post in two sentences:
The need for control can create a sense of security while gradually increasing dependence, limiting initiative and reinforcing the very conditions we’re trying to prevent. Recognizing the boundaries of our responsibility and influence allows us to make more appropriate decisions without assuming that every outcome must be managed or every uncertainty eliminated.
There is a point at which wanting things to go well can become needing them to go exactly as planned.
We see it in people who find it difficult to delegate because they’re convinced no one else will do the job properly. In leaders who need to approve every decision, even those their employees are perfectly capable of making. And in individuals who spend considerable time anticipating what might go wrong, believing that enough preparation will protect them from unpleasant surprises.
Control can be reassuring.
It creates a sense of order, predictability and security in circumstances that might otherwise feel uncertain…but when the need for control becomes excessive, it can begin to influence our decisions, relationships and behavior in ways we may not fully recognize.
The more we attempt to control, the more there seems to be that requires controlling.
When Responsibility Becomes a Need for Control
Being responsible and wanting control are not necessarily the same thing.
Responsibility involves recognizing our obligations, making informed decisions and accepting accountability for what falls within our authority.
Control becomes something different when we begin assuming responsibility for outcomes, circumstances and other people’s actions that we cannot reasonably determine.
A manager may believe that closely supervising every aspect of a team’s work demonstrates commitment to quality. Initially, the attention may produce positive results. Mistakes are identified quickly, standards are reinforced and the manager feels confident that everything is being handled properly.
But over time, employees may become reluctant to make decisions independently. They begin seeking approval for matters they previously handled themselves. The manager interprets their growing dependence as evidence that closer supervision is necessary…and so the cycle continues.
What began as an attempt to ensure good performance may gradually undermine the team’s capacity to perform without constant intervention.
Why Is Letting Go So Difficult?
Control is often associated with authority, dominance or an unwillingness to trust others. While these factors may be present, they don’t explain every situation. Sometimes the need for control develops from experience.
Someone who has repeatedly dealt with unreliable people may become reluctant to depend on others. A leader who has experienced serious organizational failures may introduce increasingly stringent controls to prevent similar situations. An individual who has lived through considerable uncertainty may come to regard constant vigilance as necessary for feeling secure.
In each case, controlling behavior may have developed as a response to something that genuinely happened. It’s important, however, to recognize when a response that once served a useful purpose is no longer appropriate to the circumstances.
There is also the discomfort of not knowing. We cannot always anticipate how people will respond, whether a decision will produce the outcome we expect or how circumstances might change.
For someone who places considerable importance on certainty, accepting those limitations can be uncomfortable. Yet trying to eliminate uncertainty altogether is an impossible undertaking.
We can influence outcomes through preparation, judgement and appropriate action, but we cannot guarantee them.
When Control Affects Everyone Else
The consequences of excessive control rarely remain confined to the person exercising it. In organizations, employees may stop taking initiative because they have learned that their decisions will be questioned or overridden. Information may become filtered as people attempt to avoid criticism. Problems may be concealed until they can no longer be ignored.
Ironically, the leader who wants greater visibility and certainty may end up knowing less about what is actually happening.
And what about in relationships? Attempts to manage another person’s choices, reactions or behavior can create resentment, resistance or dependence. The intention may be to prevent conflict or disappointment, but the behavior itself can become a source of both.
What makes these situations particularly difficult is that the person seeking control may genuinely believe they’re acting responsibly. Their intentions and the consequences of their behavior may be very different.
The Illusion of Certainty
Control can give us the impression that we are reducing risk, even when we are simply increasing our involvement.
More monitoring doesn’t necessarily mean better performance. More rules don’t automatically produce greater accountability. And spending more time anticipating every possible problem doesn’t guarantee that we will be better prepared when something unexpected happens.
There are circumstances in which rigorous controls are essential, particularly where safety, financial accountability or regulatory obligations are concerned.
Sometimes our attempts to prevent undesirable outcomes consume resources, restrict people’s capabilities and create additional difficulties. We can become so occupied with ensuring that nothing goes wrong that we limit the possibility of things going right.
Knowing What Is Ours to Manage
Releasing unnecessary control doesn’t mean becoming careless, abandoning standards or leaving everything to chance. It means recognizing where our responsibility begins and ends.
We can establish expectations without dictating every action. We can prepare for uncertainty without attempting to eliminate it. We can hold people accountable without assuming responsibility for every decision they make.
There is considerable freedom in recognizing that not everything requires our intervention.
For leaders, this may mean allowing others to exercise judgement, even when they approach situations differently. For individuals, it may mean accepting that some outcomes remain uncertain despite our best efforts.
Neither comes without discomfort, but the alternative can be exhausting: a continuing attempt to manage circumstances that are constantly changing and people whose choices will never be entirely ours to determine.
Control becomes particularly costly when maintaining it matters more than understanding whether it is still necessary.
Sometimes the most responsible decision is not to tighten our grip, but to recognize what we can reasonably influence and allow the rest to unfold without our constant intervention.
Strategic Reflection Prompt
Where in your life or organization might your need for control be creating the very difficulties you’re trying to prevent, and what might become possible if you reconsidered what genuinely requires your involvement?
I’m Giselle Hudson, The Pre-Fixer™.
For nearly three decades, I’ve worked with business owners and leaders across the Caribbean who carry important decisions largely on their own, often when problems keep returning, solutions fall short, or implementation stalls.
When I ask business owners what problem they can’t seem to solve, the answer is usually “people.” So I ask them to tell me more, because people and businesses are rarely as simple as they first appear.
I help them understand what’s really causing the problem before they spend more trying to fix it. And where needed, I help design the solution and guide their teams to put it into practice.
Get Clarity before the Fix.
What are you trying to make sense of right now?
