…and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete

That particular phrase is taken from a passage called: Patient trust by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin SJ. It is written about trusting in the “slow work of God”. And how irritating this becomes particularly in this fast paced world in which we live.

We don’t ever like learning curves do we? The intermediate stages. The parts that suggest that perhaps we may not be as successful as we anticipated? Or maybe we have a great idea yet we don’t trust in ourselves and are without faith because we want the idea’s benefits to be made manifest without the gestation.

Every morning I get up wearing that phrase well. I feel in suspense and incomplete. I use to think that this was a bad thing. I saw it as an obstruction to my progress. I felt that what I needed to be feeling was certainty and the assurance that I was going to succeed.

Now I’m thinking that how I’m feeling is probably not going to change; maybe I could change my interpretation of these sensations that sometimes drive me right back to bed without even taking a stab at the gift of a brand new day! Maybe, just maybe – these feelings are necessary and are friends not foe. Maybe, just maybe – these feelings are necessary to my on going growth and development.

Isn’t it true that whenever we begin to wield the sword of power, pretend that we are invincible, behave as though we are superhuman and have basically done it all – ON OUR OWN (I might add) that we land – usually with a deafening thud – on our butts?

“Pride goes before a fall”….my grandmother use to talk about being “cock de large”.

Our lives are better than the best movies out there. The cliffhangers are amazing. And yes – if we are to see ‘what happens next’ – we need to be present and live in each moment as it is meted out to us.

Anxiety – my friend – come….show me the way.

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