Jonathan Fields got me thinking about this in a recent blog post about Intention and Regret. His discussion centred around this quote
It is said that if our intention is to help others…we will never have any regret. Regret is a result of trying to make “me” happy – Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche or “The Sakyong”
I think that what “The Sakyong” is alluding to is helping with an attachment to a specific outcome. Whenever we help with an outcome in mind then our focus is really about us realizing that outcome – making ourselves happy and not on the helping.
I’ve had people who were happy to help me in the past only to realize that there was a hidden agenda – that I needed to stay in awe of them and in a position of neediness in order for their help to be bestowed. This kind of help is crippling, but aren’t I sometimes guilty of “helping” in this way?
Unfortunately yes I am….
I don’t want to stunt growth but in my case I would like to think that when I offer my help, that people will take action immediately – do something to improve their situation. But this does not happen immediately. I should know – it’s taken me years to take what others have shared, incorporate it into my life and then DO something about it!
In a blog post titled The Many Ways That People Try to Control Others, Dr. Donna Lee says –
…wanting to change others stunts our personal growth and we lose our self awareness. The sad part is that people who want to change the world or other people think that they are aware and that they get it. They do not get it. Getting it means that it is understood that people have a right to be who they are.
My intention and purpose is to be a light in the lives of others which has come to mean many things as I evolve and grow. As I discover and find new pieces of information that I think would help others I share it – through my articles, workshops and speaking presentations. I have also been gifted to see in others strengths that they don’t always easily see in themselves.
But in my helping I need not be attached to WHEN or HOW or IF what I’m sharing is used at all. People have a right to be who they are. I want this for myself.
From today onward, I am willing to practice accepting people for who they are and for where they choose to reside on life’s continuum. My work is to continue on my own inside-out adventure and whenever I encounter discomfort, to search for the source and heal myself.
Image from http://www.blisshabits.com